I’ve been of thinking of dating people on a 2 dimensional matrix
- Bestfriendness on one axis
- Trust, Care, Love on another axis
Both these dimension express pretty complex things.
- Best-friendness is some combination of how you laugh with someone, how much you can talk about nonsense but also have life altering mindset shifts with, work with, go to the gym with, shit on others and remind each other you shouldn’t be shitting on others. It’s how much does this person feel like your best friend. Best-friendness is a reduction of a concept that has a very number of dimensions. Too many for me to come up with a formal way of determining where someone is. You want to rely on how you feel
- Trust/Love/Loyalty/Care is how much you feel like someones got your back, and how much you find yourslef thiking about them on the daily. You’re walking past a fruit stand and you see kiwis. you remember they love kiwis so you pick one up. If they suddenly get into cigerettes, you have hard conversations with them, search their room every night and throw out any packs you find because addiction is hard to fight alone
As I go on dates with people, I take 2 guesses - where are we now, and where do I think we could be in the long term
Each of them come with some confidence level
it’s pretty easy to have a high confidence guess of where we currently stand on the graph. Cos it usually starts on the bottom left quadrant. But there is high uncertainty in my guess about where I think we will end up
As we go on more dates. The current point changes. And my best guess at the future point changes.
More importantly my error margin around the future point becomes smaller and smaller
I go on dates with someone until either